Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My funny kids...

Back by popular demand (okay, not really...I made that up) - things overheard in my house:
"Stand right here where my pants are."
"You smell like bones!"
"I don't want a chicken sandwich - there's chicken on it!"
"If my face was a hamburger, I'd eat it!"       
"Stop it! You're scratching my hair!"
Emily (10), ordering breakfast: "I'll have two biscuits, kill the gravy."

And a collection of funny things in our household over the last couple of years:

I was bragging on Caroline's great work toward reading - she's so close to reading independently.
Eric: Wow, smart AND cute! A deadly combination.
Caroline, with a sigh: But I still can't snap my fingers.

Not exactly the news I want to hear from upstairs: "Mommy! My window is in the yard!"

A firstborn has the best, cleanest, most age and developmentally appropriate toys. A third child hears these words from her father: "Here...play with these socks."

I was putting the Pack and Play (portable crib) in the car.
Caroline: What's that, Mom?
Me: The Pack and Play.
Caroline: Oh. Is that Spanish for "bed"?

Quote of the trip: in the car, Caroline asked me to start her "Animal Baby" CD over (yet again) and Eric said: "Ugggh...I'm gonna poke out my earballs!!!"
Second prize goes to Emily, who warned me, "Before you start harassing my father, you need to know that vibrant colors do NOT match those shorts."

On the way home from school, we saw an old toilet put out to the street for the trash service to pick up. Emily (9) said "I've heard of Porta-Potties, but that's ridiculous!"

Charlotte was squealing and screeching about something this morning.
Caroline (4): Charlotte!! A) you're too loud and B) you need to stop screaming!

Emily: I feel sorry for gravity.
Eric: Why?
Emily: It has to work SO hard!

At church, we had communion. Caroline gladly took the bread, but when offered the cup, she shook her head and politely said, "No, thank you!"

1. "I'm pretending I have a baby and it's getting milk from my boob."
2. Me: Who wants to get my phone for me?
Caroline: I will!!! Then can I have a dollar?

Our Emily is a budding greeting card designer. Her best homemade Valentine's card was for Daddy. It read: "Did it seriously have to come? I mean, mistletoe is bad enough but a holiday *devoted* to kissing?" (inside) "Yuck in complete and utter capitals!" This barely topped the one for her teacher with a poem that began "Some teachers are crabby. Some pencils are stabby..."

We had a big fly in the house and never caught him. The next day, Caroline spotted him in a cup of water on the counter. Without missing a beat, Emily said, "Is he doing the backstroke?"

Actual conversation: we were talking about a new girl in Emily's dance class who just moved here from Iowa, Eric says ,"Wonder what brought them to this area?" Emily says with a shrug, "Maybe they like hillbillies." Dude. Beverages nearly exited noses.

Caroline, O Child of Great Expectations, tore open an Easter card from Grandma while commenting, "I hope there's dollars in there!!!"

Caroline: "I like cats. I don't like squirrels...actually I do like squirrels, but I don't like skunks. Can we go to the playground?"

Our comic relief this week was once again provided by Miss Caroline. First she requested the song "Chinese Buffet"...that would be "Surfin' USA." (Though I think we could come up with some pretty funny lyrics for her version.) Then we were in Wal-Mart when she wrinkled up her cute little nose and commented, "It smells in here."

We're in the car and Caroline starts talking to the car ahead of us..."Get off the phone and drive!! Stop smoking! QUIT PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR AND DRIVE!"

Emily: "I had a bad dream last night, but I know it's not real because there's not a sink in the van."

Caroline walked into a restaurant and ordered Germ-X with her food...classic!

Emily was telling Caroline about the Elf on the Shelf who keeps an eye on their behavior and reports back to Santa each night. Em said, "If we're bad, then Santa just brings us lumps of coal!" Caroline excitedly added, "or SOCKS!!"

Caroline's funniest questions of the week:
"What is God's middle name?"
"Do ghosts have eyebrows?"
"Why does Pal's have a mailbox?"
"Does the moon go to sleep at night?"
"Is Grandpa your brother?"
 "Mommy, why doesn't Grandma have kids?"

Eric: Let's go over the river and thru the woods to Grandma's house.
Caroline: Can we just go to Grandma's and not in the river?

Today's installment of "not the answer I was looking for"...Me: "What did you do with X mess?" Child: "I wiped it on your pillow." Um...

Yes, my 3 year old likes to sing "Viva Las Vegas." Only she says "Jesus Las Vegas." Funny in more ways than one.

So, you know how some Christmas ornaments have strings or ribbons on them to use for hanging them on the tree? And on others, you need to attach the little metal hooks? Yep, those are called...hookers. Ah, Christmas According to Caroline!!!

I feel confident that Emily is getting adequate Daddy-time...we passed a police car and she commented, "There goes the Po-Po!"

Caroline: Why don't cars have feets?
Emily: The Flintstones car had feet!!


  1. Love all of this, but especially Caroline's questions!

  2. Thanks, chickie!! She's a real hoot...she keeps us in stitches!


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